By Michael D. Fenton
A supernatural journey that leads two souls down a path of horror and fear. Fighting forces they can not see, today may be 'The Beginning of the End'
My Impressions
newThe town doesn't interest me all that much. I don't know if it is because I am longing for more details. It could be that you were wanting for an average town, and I just need to accept that. I love the environments in stories and I'm an interested enough in your descriptors to want to know more. In essence, that is a good thing. I also believe that those changes happen in the revision phase of most works, so you have plenty of time. All in all, I certainly get a "being there feel", which is difficult to do. You have done that admirably. I am definitely interested in future chapters as well. You have managed to grasp my attention in only 7 pages. So that is my honest initial impression. One other criticism I have is that some of the descriptors seem out of place. The rampaging horses is a great image for the feel of the story, but being dropped in a sub-freezing environment feels too contrived. I would suggest keeping images in a similar context instead of having the reader jump from two very different images. There is a way to relate metaphors to create a more universal theme and I would try to do that. I will think hard on some suggestions, but I'm at work, tired, and my brain is focusing on mostly involuntary functions.